Love After Divorce

Finding love after divorce was a little unexpected for me. I didn’t think it was in the cards for me and I had made peace with it. I was so content with being all by myself that the thought of a man or a life long partner never really crossed my mind. I didn’t feel like my life was lacking anything in that regard – because I done the hard work to build a wonderful life for myself. I surrounded myself with my family, few friends who I had no drama with – and my daughter who gave me so much purpose and reward in being her mother. With all that being said – God had given me sukoon in my current state of living. Although it was tiring to manage the pangs of daily life on my own – God had given me ease and that is the single biggest reason I was able to get to this point. Through His mercy (you should make duah for it).

When I met my husband – tbh – I knew right away I was going to marry him. We had no disagreements, we effectively communicated and he offered me everything I could dream of. What I wanted isn’t easy to come across. The mocktail I wanted in a man was very specific. The first was that he had to be a practicing Muslim. Not just a Muslim, but one that cares about his practice. He had to have his salat in order, his five pillars in order and prioritize this over everything else. But I also didn’t want a mullah because a mullah wouldn’t want me either lol. He had to be emotionally intelligent, an effective communicator and kind but also gentle. My husband, ladies – is all of the above mashAllah. Allahuma Barik.

I also had my daughter to worry about. I knew I was not going to bring a man around that would treat her anything less than his own. Not only does he go above and beyond for me – but this guy treats my child like she came from him. She is so blessed mashAllah.

In the name of transparency – I have to admit that there were a couple apples that didn’t make the cut. And they were never going to. I feel a woman’s intuition is a big asset. You know right away whether a man is worthwhile or not. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME. It is not worth it. Your time, effort, and attention is precious. The wrong men will damage all those things. There’s a reason we’re advised to stay away from unlawful relationships and as your big sister – I’ll have to remind you of that.

Allah’s plans are nothing short of perfection. He brought my husband into my life when we were both ready for one another. We literally are giving each other the best versions of ourselves and it’s tremendouly rewarding alhumdullilah. It was only when my deen and mental health was in check that I could receive a man like him. And it was only when he had his priorties settled that he could be open to a firecracker like me.

We are so desperate to settle down (naturally – humans are biologically designed for companionship) – but being alone and working on healing and becoming the best possible independent you can be will only then attract your equivalent. I strongly believe that lack of awareness, bad decisions, and insecurities will have you in the wrong relationships. I minimized my circle, I prioritized my mental health and spent a lot of time praying and learning about Islam in which Allah then brought forth the best man. You don’t want just any man – you want the best – trust me. Life is better this way. You want a man who will land you in Jannah. We can all find love and marriage and relationships. But can we seek a partner who is good for our akhira and duniya? A man who cares about your akhira won’t leave you unmarried, sissie. =)

Finding love after divorce can be a transformative journey, filled with ups and downs. Here are some steps to help navigate this process:

Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your past relationship and your own role in it. Understand what went wrong and what you want in a future partner.
Healing: Allow yourself time to heal from the emotional wounds of divorce. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed.
Rediscover yourself: Use this opportunity to rediscover who you are as an individual. Engage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Openness: Be open to the idea of finding love again, but don’t rush into anything. Give yourself time to meet new people and form connections naturally.
Communication: When you’re ready to look again, be open and honest with potential partners about your past experiences and what you’re looking for in a relationship.
Patience: Understand that finding love again may take time. Be patient with yourself and the process.
Set boundaries: Be clear about your boundaries and what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.
Stay positive: Stay optimistic and believe that love is possible after divorce. Surround yourself with positive influences and keep an open heart.