I’m writing part 2 from bed. Its 2:15pm and I’m currently pumping. Raaya is alone with her Daadi today. Burhan and I are the only ones who watch her but his mom has been in LA for the last month and a half so we thought we’d give the two of them some bonding time.
Anyways – lets get right into it.
So its now Friday night. Family has left, I cleaned the kitchen, showered, and got into bed. Still cramping. Amniotic fluid is escaping and replenishing. But life is okay because what I’m experiencing is basically period pains and I’ve had those plus braxton hicks my entire pregnancy so I’ve trained myself on how to SMILE through this.
I force myself to shut my mind off. Tonight was going to be my last baby-less night! I was actually able to sleep (had to get up several times to change and use the bathroom). I woke up at around 8:30am to 3 missed calls from my midwife. I ring her back and she’s alarmed to hear that my labour hasn’t progressed the way they’ve wanted it to. She tells me to go to the hospital as its been 24 hours since my water broke and I’d be met there by another midwife from our team. Her reaction had me a little panicked but I was able to hold it together. We loaded our things (baby bag, car seat, etc.) and head to the hospital which is conveniently less than a 5 minute drive.
The hospital sets me up in a temporary room where my midwife and I will get a chance to chat and check things out. I sit in the chair next to hubby as the lead midwife of the clinic walks in. She opens my report and starts addressing all her concerns. I’ll list the major ones below.
-Water has been broken for over 24 hours now, and the risk of infection is creeping in as the baby isn’t protected with as much amniotic fluid
-Majority of women have delivered 24 hours post rupture, why haven’t I?
-I refused to be checked for dilation the day my water broke, so it was difficult to know where we were at today in terms of dilation. Would I allow them to check me now? I said no. =) (Reason being: the more they go up there, the higher the risk for infection. Do your research ladies! Make educated decisions.)
She then hesitated to present to me something that she knew was totally against my birth plan and I would potentially reject instantly.
I knew what this meant. Artificial contractions brought on by oxytocin. These contractions are more painful than natural contractions and had irregular patterns in which a break between each contraction – was pretty unlikely. I said no, of course. I haven’t put drugs in my system in years and wasn’t ready to do so now that I was so close. Again the risk of an infection was brought up AND emphasized because my temperatures were rising and borderline feverish. So after a brisk and emotional conversation with my husband, I agreed but requested to go home first to have one last meal. When the oxytocin starts, no eating allowed.
I cried on the drive back. Things weren’t going according to my plans of having a natural birth. I didn’t even want to consider an epidural. Either way, the ride home was quiet but quick. The first thing I did was have dinner leftovers from the night before, packed snacks for my husband, and then just sat in the living room for a bit by myself (I needed alone time for everything to register). About an hour later, we made way.
Once getting settled in the birthing suite, the poking and prying started. They couldn’t find a vein to start the oxytocin or the fluids or draw the blood they needed to see where my low blood count was at. No one talks about this part but setting all that up was super painful. Definitely not like your annual blood work. After like 25 tries (not exaggerating) they were finally able to set it up and I got a chance to close my eyes and relax. My midwife was in my room the entire time (one of the perks of having a midwife) to coach me through any new aches and pains I was undergoing (heartburn during labour? YEP!). We turned down the lights so I could get some rest to build up energy for stronger contractions that were coming my way.
I opened my eyes to a dark room, to see my husband napping to the left, and my midwife monitoring contractions to the right of me. Right there, in that moment – I thought of my mom. She was suppose to be here. I didn’t think I’d do this alone -without her. We talked about this day. She told me my dad badly wanted to see my kids – but I knew it was her who was so anxious to see me become a mother. My entire pregnancy -I missed her. Typically, girls have their moms to call when they crave something to eat or need a place to go to relax, and be pampered. Their moms are there to comfort them and reminisce over the time your siblings were stuck in her ribs her last trimester. I didn’t have that. So many times, the midwives would ask about my mothers experience to gauge information about me, and I didn’t have answers. My pregnant journey was about to conclude and I missed her more than ever. The void felt strongest then. I put the covers over my head and slid my eye mask over my teary eyes to shut the thoughts out.
😪wow. So moving.. thank you for sharing.
You brought me to tears… You have incredible strength and it shows.
Wow. This was a very emotional read. Thanks for sharing.
❤️😞. You’re strength is admirable.
So far this sounds like what I went through. I am waiting to read the full story. 😦
So emotional, I understand your pain.
Aww so close to heart. May ALLAH PAK BLESS YOU AND UR FAMILY … CONGRATULATIONS UR A MOTHER….